Advertisement

Humorous Quotes

by Smith on

humorous quotes (1)

Problem

 

humorous quotes (1)

I hate when people see me at the super market & they are like “Hey what are you doing here?” and I’m just like: “Oh you know, hunting elephants.

 

Advertisement
humorous quotes (1)

10 FUN FACTS 1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can’t count your hair. 3. You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out. 4. You just tried no. 3 6. When you did no. 3 you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You’re smiling right now, because you were fooled. 8. You skipped no. 5 9. You just checked to see if there is a no. 5 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too!

 

humorous quotes (2)

See, it doesn’t hurts! So why does mommy always cries when she steps on it???

 

humorous quotes (3)

You need only two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the tape.

 

humorous quotes (4)

Due to the confidentiality of my job  I don’t know what I’m doing!

 

humorous quotes (5)

I’ll love you forever, lol just kidding, i can’t live that long.

 

humorous quotes (6)

I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. – Anne Wilson Schaef

 

humorous quotes (7)

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool that first said: “Quit while you’re ahead?

 

humorous quotes (8)

He was not handsome, and his manners required intimacy to make them pleasing.- Jane Austen

 

humorous quotes (9)

BENEDICK: That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks. But that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none. And the fine is, for the which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor. ― William Shakespeare

 

humorous quotes (10)
Advertisement

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. -Ben Bergor
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.”
—Garry Trudeau
Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.- Salvador Dali
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.- Jim Morrison
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they’re the first to be rescued off sinking ships. – Gilda Radner
Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected. -Unknown
People like you are the reasonPeople like me need medication. — Cheyenne McCray
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.― Groucho Marx
Anyone seen in a bus over the page of 30 hasbeen a failure in life.
There are two different kinds of people in this world:those who finish what they start,and – Brad Ramsey

 

humorous quotes (11)

I’m not a one in a million kind of girl. I’m a once in a lifetime kind of woman.

 

humorous quotes (12)

A sense of humor makes a MAN handsome.

 

Advertisement

Written by: Smith