Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
BLACK SHEEP, There’s always one crazy motherfucker in the family.
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
Ever look at your best friend and wonder why the hell you aren’t comedians?
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
A boss like a diaper… always on your ass, and usually full of….!
I misspelled my bumper sticker.
Laughter is like a windshield wiper; it doesn’t stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
“No comment” is a comment.
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
It’s never too late to start over. If you weren’t happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don’t stay stuck, do better.
“Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it is bothering you I’II stop.”
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
Look just give me some inner peace, or I’II mop the floor with ya!
I don’t wanna look like a weirdo. I’ll just go with a muumuu.
It’s hard to find a friend who is: 95% Talented, 96%Funny,98% Loving,99%Intelligent And 100% sweet, So Don’t u Dare.. Lose me!!
If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport- you’ll get a free X-ray and a breast exam, and if you mention Al Qaeda you’ll get a free colonoscopy.
“Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits”~ Unknown