When a woman says nothing’s wrong that means everything is wrong when a woman says everything’s wrong that means everything is wrong.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me “sir” without adding, “you’re making a scene.
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
Bart! With $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things… like love!
I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to hell?
I’m having the best day of my life and I owe it all to not going to Church!
Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girl’s sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such
Operator;give me the number for 911
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. — Matt Groening
Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals!… Except the weasels.
Just because I don’t believe doesn’t mean I don’t understand
And this is the snack holder where I can put my beverage, or, if you will, cupcake
I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?
Look, just give me some inner peace or I’ll mop the floor with ya!
Stacy: Don’t ask me, I’m just a girl.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on.
Deep Thoughts of Homer Simpson: ‘If something’s hard to do then it’s not worth doing.
Trying is the first step towards failure — Homer Simpson
You can have all the money in the world… but there’s one thing you’ll never have… a Dinosaur~Homer Simpson
Homer Simpson Operator;give me the number for 911
I can’t take his money, I can’t print my own money, I have to work for my money. Why don’t I just lay down and die.
Oh my God. The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican.