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Steven Wright Quotes

by Smith on

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steven wright quotes (1)

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

 

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

– Steven Wright

steven wright quotes (2)

I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific. – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (3)

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone. – Steven Wright

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steven wright quotes (4)

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.– Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (5)
Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!– Steven Wright

 

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Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn’t?- Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (7)

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (8)

My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out. – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (9)

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere. – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (10)

What’s another word for Thesaurus? – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (11)

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction. – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (12)

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules? – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (13)

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.- Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (14)

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. – Steven Wright

 

steven wright quotes (15)

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? – Steven Wright

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See also:

Simpsons Quotes

smoking quotes

Spiritual Quotes

Star Trek Quotes

Stephen Hawking Quotes

Steve Jobs Quotes Part 2

strong women quotes

swimming quotes

The Secret Quotes

See Also:

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Written by: Smith