I need a vacation, twice a year
That fail moment when you pull your blankets up & punch yourself in the face.
Thanks to facebook. I now know what everyone bathroom looks like!
common sense is like deodorant. the people who need it most never use it.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
life is short . smile while you still have teeth.
on the internet you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
All my life i thought air was free… until i bought a bag of chips.Ads
I’m not lazy I’m just on my energy saving mode
Time is precious…waste it wisely
You look really funny doing that with your head..
I don’t have an attitude problem. you have a problem with my attitude and that’s not my problem.
My friend thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that make you cry. So i threw a coconut at his face.Ads
I can’t take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you’re coming to my room.
I do not get drunk – I get awesome.
Funny or Die Quotes
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Top 50 Funny quotes – part 3 (Last Part)