A man came to my door and asked if i could donate to the local swimming pool and i came back with a glass of water.
why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?
Math Mental abuse to humans
Breaking news: i just found out there is nothing wrong with me, it is the world that has issues 😉
my week is basically :
Its funny how when Im loud, people tell me to quiet, but when i am quiet, people ask me whats wrong with me.
Only 2 things can a woman’s mood
I love you
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
The most romantic love story isn’t Romeo and Juliet who died together…but grandpa and grandma who grew old together.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
I you a question (but i’ll shave it for later)
That moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you’re just so hilarious.
A little bit…
your first time?
No, i’ve been nervous before
So if guns kill people i guess pencils miss spell words, cars drive drunk, and spoons make people fat.
how to tell someone that their breath stinks without hurting their feelings. “well i’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth!’
Sometimes i pretend to be normal. But it gets boring so i go back to being me.
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person.
Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
My wallet is like an onion when i open it it makes me cry.
Funny or Die Quotes
Top 50 Funny quotes – part 1
Top 50 Funny quotes – part 3 (Last Part)